The Zen Hopper

When I was younger, there was this one kid who used to live down by the river and who, for some reason, really got on my nerves. You see, this guy Paxton, could jump blind-folded up and down the fucking river rocks without ever getting wet. It was like his feet were magnetically pulled toward the rocks. How did he do it? I mean, I can make a spectacular Chicken Parmesan and I can pretty much bullshit my way out of anything, but I can't even fathom doing something like that. Jumping rocks blindfolded? Fucking hell! I once asked him what his secret was and the only thing the cool bastard answered me was: “I just feel the Universe…” 

Son of a bitch, I hope he drowned.