“She was
one of those big ladies who expressed her love by smothering us to death with
hugs and kisses. Clichéd, I know, but that was my Aunt Gertie. She hardly ever left the
house and kept all her favorite things really close to her. I gave her a wind chime
once for her birthday, but I guess she didn't really like it because the very next day she took it down. My sister and I were a different story, she really loved us. After feeding us pie until our bellies were about to
burst, she would squeeze us with such joy that I thought she was going to
eat us next. I’m pretty sure the reason why my sister is so retarded is because our
aunt hugged her once too often. Lack of oxygen to the brain will do that to you… Even though going to my aunt's house was always a worrying thought when I was a kid, I actually miss the old girl.”
Weird how a horrible mass of alien goo would remind my friend of a loving family member and for
the record, his sister is not mentally challenged. It might be sappy of me, but I miss those days when everyone had a crazy aunt who just wanted to squeeze you in her arms and cover your cheeks with drooling kisses. Hard love made the world a nicer place.
Lol, that story was hilarious!
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I have the typical 'sexy' aunt, you know, the type that goes to the gym, spends more then she should on beauty products, etc.
So I never had an aunt Gertie
TRGB - life's just funny sometimes. ah yes, the sexy aunt; that would probably produce an interesting post, as well :)
ReplyDeleteI don't have any aunts (at least not any that I see on a regular basis), but maybe that's for the best; I'm partially convinced that a creature that haunted my nightmares when I was five was vaguely based on a twisted version of my grandma.
ReplyDeleteFamily, huh? Some days you love them, and some days they're the inspiration for writhing, screeching beasts that pursue you across the astral plane.
your aunt loves you so much that's why she squeezes you. lols.
ReplyDeleteVoltech - haha, you really nailed it on what family is all about. cheers
ReplyDeleteeArL - none of my aunts are actually like this, but i did have a neighbor who was. the best part was the cookies.
Good morning & welcome back! ;o)
ReplyDeletethanks man, its really good to be back. still got a lot of catching up to do. have a great day.
ReplyDeleteMy aunts on my mum's side are pretty cool, although I have a Screecher on my dad's side who will try with all her might to be louder than anybody else, all at an ear splitting pitch.
ReplyDeleteMy mum on the other hand...
I sometimes suspect she secretly does weightlifting just so she can crush me to bits when she picks me up from the airport.
My sister is so retarded because my aunt hugged her too often.... I had to laugh when I read this!
ReplyDeleteThe aunt may have been a strange kind of person and her behaviour annoying but it is true... If you look at the pure essence of what she did, it was all because of her warm hearted love she freely gave to the kids. People who treat you nice and who you can hug without any concern are so seldom nowadays. I like them very much.
Oh and btw. yeah it is so cool that we read from you again, Gabriel :-D
ReplyDeleteWhat an entertaining story!
ReplyDeleteI like your interpretation of her as gooey being.
I have a "crazy" aunt ;)
ReplyDeleteWelcome back!
Laury - none of my aunts are Screechers, but i've met some girls like that and... ouch my poor ears. moms can even lift cars. i've seen it on tv :)
ReplyDeleteKat - yeah, age helps us realize that those annoying gestures are merely the expression of love, but when we're kids everything family related can be torture. thank you so much Kat, i really appreciate it.
Sikzak - glad you liked it.
Nuki - thanks. its good to be back. 'crazy' aunts are the best, 'crazy' uncles however...
My dad's aunt was just like this. Nice post and comeback, man.
ReplyDeletelucky man, your dad. thanks.
ReplyDeleteAll my relatives...aunts and uncles... died in a "back-fired" Curse.....First ...a few days before Christmas ... We were at my Grand Parent's ... They were called to identify the body... My Uncle Allen... he had a heart-attack and fell in the bathroom hitting his head upon the tub ... he died of massive blood loss...
ReplyDeleteThe following month , his wife , My Aunt Daisy... died of brain cancer....
The following month ( on Valentine's day) Aunt Daisy's Brother....My Uncle Carl died of a massive Heart-attack
the following month their Brother, My uncle Winford upon learning that he had terminal cancer... emptied his pockets on the coffee table.. took his .30 cal rifle stepped outside and shot himself in the chest.... reloaded it and shot himself in the head....
Three weeks later their brother , My Uncle John sent his wife to pick up dinner... stepped out the back of his house and shot himself in the head...
Thus no family reunion that year...
that is one horribly unlucky year for your family. im terribly sorry to hear it. you mention a 'back-fired' curse, what does that mean?
ReplyDeleteDo Not Mess with Curses...
ReplyDeletenoted.
ReplyDeletevery nice description. thanks
ReplyDelete